Runts Rant Page

Understanding Engineers #1:

Two engineering students were biking across a

university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a

great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was

walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a

beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the

ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you

want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said,

"Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you

anyway."

Understanding Engineers #2:

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the

pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the

glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3:

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting

one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The

engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been

waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I

don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The

priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a

word with him." He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with

that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of

blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse

from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free

anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest

said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer

for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going

to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's

anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why

can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers #4:

What is the difference between mechanical engineers

and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons.

Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers #5:

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does

it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks,

"How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree

asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts

degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers #6:

Three engineering students were gathered together

discussing who must have designed the human body. One

said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the

joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.

The nervous system has many thousands of electrical

connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to

have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic

waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers #7:

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't

fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it

doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #8:

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a

frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll

turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up

the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up

again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a

beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The

engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and

returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If

you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay

with you for one week and do anything you want." Again,

the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it

back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the

matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that

I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.

Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an

engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a

talking frog - now that's cool."

*******

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo --

"Defrost the chicken." (True Story)

*******

Are you starting to get the picture.

The Runt